To say that I spent most of my life as a pessimist is an understatement. In fact from where I used to stand, pessimism was a step up from where I was. As good as optimism.
I was the kid that gave her barbies cancer. They had terrible, and rather short lives in my make-believe world. Bad things just happened and I was aware of it. As I grew older I became what I used to term a realist. I wasn’t being negative, I was being realistic. It was easier to accept disappointment that way.
These were the things I told myself. Seriously.
I struggled with depression and wrote it off as realism. I planned for the worse, actually I expected it. And that’s exactly what I got. LOADS of it.
Just before I turned 30 I’d fallen into a serious bout of realism. Everything just sucked. The weather sucked, my city sucked, of course my job did too. I was unhappy and though I claimed I wanted to change, I realize now that I was quite happy with my unhappiness. It proved my realism point. It justified it all.
On a rather low day my Mom – who hated seeing me this way – told me about a book she read called The Secret. She gave me the run down and explained it was all about thinking positive to attract positive things.
Ha! Yeah right, I thought. Positive? Happy? I actually said something to the effect of “I’m to busy being unhappy to be happy.”
See where I’m going here?
And like most things that people suggested I brushed it off. Chalked it up to touchy-feely nonsense. I’m a realist, don’t you know!
Then something happened. That darn book kept being mentioned EVERYWHERE. It’s like something was conspiring against me. Call it the Universe or God or a Higher Power but whatever it was, it was aimed at me. After several encounters I finally called my Mom and said “Fine! Give me the darn book!”
And I read it….in two days.
Now I’m not saying The Secret saved my life. I’m saying it got me thinking. I’m a logical, prove-it-to-me person. I question things, I analyze them and then I process the info. After reading the book I started thinking Why Not?
As in – well what I’m doing isn’t working so let’s give this a shot.
And darned if it didn’t work. I started thinking positive. I started imagining myself in a better mood with all the things in my life just falling into place. And they did. Pretty soon I was giving other things a try. Meditation, positive affirmations and smiling. Yes even smiling had become a challenge for me.
The more positive I was, the better things turned out. I started seeing life in a completely different way. Instead of being a realist (pessimist) I became an optimist!
Was some higher power sending positive energy in my direction? Was I conspiring with the Universe to attract all that awesome energy my way? Or was it a simple case of acknowledging that I needed to change my attitude?
To be honest I don’t know.
I’d like to believe the World is all connected and each positive thought attracts another. There are endless articles on quantum physics that suggests that’s how the Universe works.
But let me tell you, it doesn’t matter. I made the decision to live my life looking on the bright side and I’m much happier for it. 🙂